Thursday, February 18, 2010

We've Come a Long Way

It's been exactly a year since I wrote this post.

I had no idea, one year ago today, what my life would look like. How much it would change.

Today, it's hard to imagine my world without this little boy in it.

It was February 5, 2009, that Macieo showed up on our doorstep. I debated this year on whether or not we should celebrate that day. For me, it was a happy day.

For Macieo? I can only imagine how scary that day was.

He was removed from his home by the police. He spent the day at the police station and the hospital, in the custody of a DHS worker he did not know. She dropped him off at our house at 7:00 PM, and he was left in the care of two complete strangers. For him, I don't think it was a happy day.

Most of that evening is a blur to me. I remember we ordered pizza. It was almost 9:00 when things started to settle down, and we realized this poor kid hadn't eaten dinner.

We asked him what kind of pizza he wanted. The kind with the red circles, he said. Now he knows it's called pepperoni. That day, he had no idea.

The next day, we dropped him off at school, and made our way to Walmart. What do you need in your arsenal when a six-year-old boy comes to live with you? Chicken nuggets. Fruit snacks. Legos. We loaded the cart. We had absolutely no idea what we were doing.

Today, we still don't always have an exact picture of what we're doing. But a few things have become clear.

God knew, before the foundation of the world, that this amazing little boy would become our son. He knew the that we would question His plan for our lives and our family. He knew that Macieo would have a rough first six years. He knew that we would be his safe place to land.

And today, we know more deeply the truth that "God works all things for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." (Romans 8:28)

A year ago, I had no idea it was possible to love a child as much as I love my son. I struggled, sometimes not very gracefully, with the fear that I would never be a mother. But the Lord, in his own perfect timing, answered my prayer.

This little boy changed all that.

The other day, we were out with some friends, and one of them made a sweet observation. "Wow," she said, as she looked at my son. "He really is the most beautiful child I've ever seen." Since I can't take any credit, I'm inclined to agree with her.

This child is beautiful, inside and out.

He is the most creative, sweetest child I have ever known.

He loves so intensely and unconditionally, sometimes I feel like my heart will break.

He's extremely strong-willed and can be downright naughty. But I've seen evidence that God is changing his heart. It's so sweet to watch him admit when he's wrong.

He is hilarious, and makes me laugh every single day.

He loves other people and wants to help everyone he meets.

He is the most forgetful person I've ever met. You can tell him something, and if he's distracted, 10 seconds later he has no idea what you've said.

Turns out he's a great big brother. His patience and sweetness with our new foster baby has brought tears to my eyes on more than one occassion.

So all in all, I'm not entirely sure where I'm going with this post. I've just been thinking a lot lately that I can't believe it's only been a year. And at the same time, I can't belive it's already been a year. A year ago, I didn't know this little boy. And now, I am his mother, in every sense of the word. I have experienced a love so fierce and protective for this little boy. Sometimes, it still catches me by surprise.

The perfect plan I had for my life did not come to fruition. But God's plan (as always) has proven to be richer and more amazing than anything I could have dreamed up for myself.

My prayer is that I would be worthy of raising this little person, with whom I have been entrusted.

I love you to pieces, Macieo James.


Joanna said...

I am so happy for you two are the perfect parents for Macieo. I don't know him well at all, but just hearing you talk about him, I know that God knew exactly what He was doing. I can't imagine what life would be like, being thrown into parenthood with a 6 year old. You are amazing!

Shelene said...

What a beautiful post! You have such a way with words, Lindsay. You and Nate are an amazing testament to God's power and love. I am so proud of you and just in awe of how the last year has transpired in your lives! Thanks for sharing!

Lindsay said...

I loved reading this post. Thank you so much for sharing.

Anonymous said...

Lindsay, may God continue to bless you, Nate, and Macieo as well as your new foster baby. What a wonderful testament to "I know the plans I have for you..."

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